Last week was the one year anniversary of my departure from Microsoft.
Although it seems so simple looking back, the decision was tough for me at the time. I thought about it for months, and asked people for a lot of advice.
I quickly noticed a pattern in the advice I received: the vast majority (90%) of people told me to do what they did. If they quit, then they recommended that I quit. If they stayed and the company and climbed the corporate ladder, then that was the path for me as well.
(Aside: The other 10% of advice I received was from people who gave me “anti-advice” — i.e. advising against doing what they had done. This is often the most useful type of guidance.)
I had three theories why this happened:
- Skilled Introspection: These people really understood themselves and what would make them happy, ultimately making the best choice for themselves.
- Cognitive Dissonance: Even if their is choice was the wrong one, they’ve convinced themselves that it was right. See also: Dan Gilbert’s talk on Synthetic Happiness.
- Charmed Lives: My friends, co-workers, and I are extremely fortunate and live a life of luxury compared to the rest of the world. Our “tough” life decisions are choices between the 99.99th and 99.96th percentile, the difference between the two is imperceptible so it really didn’t matter what was chosen.
One year later, I find myself giving the same type of advice — but what other choice do I have? I chose my path and have no idea how the others would have turned out. I don’t believe in my first theory — but the latter two seem completely reasonable to me.
5 Comments
I think minimizing regrets fits in somewhere, especially if both options result in “Charmed Lives”. Imagine yourself in either scenario. Is there one that will result in you regretting having not chosen the other option? I think, even if it’s riskier, it can be worth making the harder decision - that’s when you learn most about yourself. I’ve often asked around for people’s decision-making strategies. Malcolm Gladwell has a lot to say about first impressions and gut feelings. I’d love to read other books on the topic.
The cognitive bias you’re mentioning is known as “selection bias”, I believe. Once someone commits to a decision, they subconsciously make lots of excuses to justify it.
I usually don’t give people direct answers when they ask me this question. I ask lots of questions to try to help them articulate the pros and cons in their own mind. People don’t start thinking about a change unless there is something uncomfortable about their current situation. So the first step is to bring to conscious mind their internal motivations, and do what in gestalt is called “ecology check” — that is, become certain that a change will indeed solve the underlying issue (if it indeed will).
Ah, such a moron am I! It is actually called “choice-supportive bias” on this list (#3): http://www.healthbolt.net/2007/02/14/26-reasons-what-you-think-is-right-is-wrong/
Hi Filipe,
Wonderful observation on the quality of probably well-meant advice of others. I’d say it’s obvious you reflect on your choices a lot more objectively than most.
But still…. you can never know for sure if you weren’t subconsciously being influenced by yourself or others. Personally I like Malcolm Gladwell’s take on making choices in his book Blink, where he advocates trusting your gut instinct (and helps you tune in to it). But you know…. I feel that work is a quite complex issue to get your head around. Do you reckon that your observed well-meant advices would’ve been different if you had consulted people for a different matter like, say, buying a house?
Adriaan
ps -> I originally stumbled upon your blog through a google search on the LineHeight property of the TextBlock in WPF. Maybe you know this: I’d like to make lines overlay each other, in much the same way you can achieve that effect in CSS through making the LineHeight very small. Seems like WPF doesn’t allow for it, or is there a way? If you happen to know how to do this, I’d love to know.
I don’t understand asking everyone for input regarding your personal decisions. If I stay, or if I go is a personal choice that no one can answer for you as everyone is in a different place with a different set of life experiences. What is best for you can only be answered by you.
If you’re married it is wise to let them know of your intentions. That’s it.